"How's Kindred with all this?"

So I had a baby. The 2 questions that are first to come out of people's mouths when I talk to them are 1) How are you feeling? and 2) How's Kindred with all this? The first question is another blog posting, I'll get to it later. This one is dedicated to the latter. How is Kindred feeling about a baby in the house? About being a big brother? About Mama snuggling with someone else besides him and not able to pick him up? Let's just say it's been an adventure.

The short answer is he's doing OK, as well as can be expected. His response to the baby has been pretty textbook as a nearly-19month old. He seems to be excited about the baby, and will run around in the morning calling "BAAAAAABEEEEE! BAAAAABEEEE!" He knows the baby's name is "Eeyiyas". He'll make the sign for baby, and he'll give him kisses on his head, and give him a pacifier when he is crying. (We call the pacifier a "chooch" around here, and Kindred will say "Baby chooch" and look around for Elias's chooch.) These are the good times.

The not-so-good times are much harder to deal with. Kindred has recently (pre-baby) developed a bit of a love of pinching. I'm not sure what this is about, and no matter how many times we tell him to be GENTLE and give NICE TOUCHES, he just doesn't get it. He understands "hurt" but it doesn't seem to matter much to him that he is hurting someone. I've even seen him pinching himself. So when he seems to be going gently for the baby's head or hands or feet then his little claws come out, it's really a bummer. Elias cries and turrns red (I've never seen a child's entire body turn red at the slightest upset. My child does.) and Kindred actually sometimes looks a little smug, then he makes the imitation crying face, but then goes on with his day, unfazed. I haven't known the best way to handle this behavior. I usually put my "I'm very mad!" face on and tell him he is not allowed to touch the baby if he can't touch him nicely, and move him away. Sometimes he's beautiful with Elias, so gentle and sweet, but there doesn't seem to be a pattern that I can read for when he will unleash the mean-boy.

The times that make me really emotional are when I'm holding or feeding Elias and Kindred will get aggressive and hurt me. He pinches and bites, and it's really painful on so many levels. I know it's because he wants me to pay attention to him, and to put the baby down and play with him. He isn't accustomed to having to share me in this way, obviously. But I'm not allowed to pick him up, not for another 1-2 weeks. (It's that whole you just had a baby and you aren't allowed to pick up anything heavier than the baby for 2-3 weeks annoyance. That annoyance called "healing.") So I can't put Kindred to bed without help, I can't put him in his high chair, I can't get him up to change his diaper. I can't carry him around like I could before, or like I can with the new baby. I feel terrible about this. My pregnancy was full of limits when it came to Kindred (feeling sick and pukey for 4 months and only lying on the floor to play with him, no fun, followed by getting big and unruly and unable to play and run around, etc.), and now that the pregnancy is over, more limits! My only emotional breakdown so far has been over this issue. I want Kindred to know I love him, and that my love for him hasn't changed just because Elias is here. I'm trying really hard to make sure I pay attention to him and play with him when I can. His grandparents have been here and have showered him with attention and gifts. It was easy to step back and let them have their fun. I loved that Kindred was getting interaction in ways I couldn't have provided. But he has bouts of mama-withdrawal, and I love being able to step up to those and show him love.

So all in all, we continue to learn and adjust to this new stage of life. It will continue to have its ups and downs, but what part of life doesn't?

In any case, Kindred continues to entertain us with his silly moments and his moments of sheer brilliance.




And I'm sure he's waiting to see which of the grandparents is going to take the new baby home with them so life can get back to "normal."