How it all came about

Many of you have expressed a little bit of surprise at the news that I am pregnant, and several have wondered how something like this happened. Beyond the mechanics of baby-making, I will let you in on some of my inner-monolgue about this journey.

First of all, no, this was not planned. I kept telling people when they asked when we were going to have another that I wanted to wait until Kindred had been alive for more weeks than I had been pregnant before we began to even think about having another. (By my count, looks like he was just about 42 weeks when I got pregnant-- I had been pregnant with him for almost 41 weeks.) I had stopped nursing Kindred essentially in October. I had only had one period since his birth, so I was going to wait until my next one to start paying attention to what my cycle was going to become. So much for that. Apparently I am suddenly as fertile as a rabbit.

I started feeling queasy around New Years. I couldn't figure out what my problem was. I thought I had eaten funky soup. Then one of Kindred's poopy diapers made me gag, and I've never been that sensitive. This lasted for three days, and Michael and I began joking about me being pregnant, certain that wasn't the case. Then one night I was lying in bed, unable to fall asleep. My mind began to bring up all of these weird things that I'd been feeling for about a month that I'd brushed off as just weirdness. But then it hit me that the last time I'd had those feelings was when I was.... In no time, I became convinced that I was, in fact, pregnant. The test I took the following morning confirmed this.

When I was staring at those 2 pink lines, I started to cry. I won't give you too much of my internal dialogue, but I will say that I felt like my life was totally out of my control. I grieved having to share Kindred with another so soon. I wondered how on earth my heart would be big enough to fit the kind of love I have for Kindred as well as for another child. And to top it all off, I was pregnant, AGAIN, and would have to go through being sick for several months, and later, huge all in the summer! What were we thinking??

Well, since that time, I have had an ultrasound and a visit to the Birth Center, and lots of talks with lots of good friends and wise mothers. I know this isn't a terrible lot of bad luck. This is beautiful and a miracle, just as much as the first one was. And like I said earlier, I will likely be more excited about it once I stop feeling so pukey. Now my biggest stressor is health insurance, which I will get into another time.

So I hope you all feel more in the know! Thanks for all the love and support.

Mr. Impatience

So my husband is frustrated that it's been SO LONG and I haven't added anything to this blog. He threatened to delete it if I didn't write, so here you go, Mr. Impatience.

Quite frankly, I haven't written because I am sick sick sick. Sitting at the computer is borderline painful, so I haven't felt like spending time here. But for the sake of my marriage, here I am, sacrificing comfort and a nap to be productive. =)

I'm almost 10 weeks pregnant, and nothing has helped my morning-noon-night nausea and discomfort. It's so difficult to be excited about something that is making you feel this lousy. But I will get through and eventually allow the anticipation and wonder of it all take over my thoughts. In the meantime, I will be spending my time thinking about how to not up-chuck in public! (Or in private, for that matter!)

Kindred has been wonderful, and seems to be making huge leaps in learning and adventuring just this past month. It floors us sometimes that he is so his own person even though he came out of me. He's a person with ideas and humor and general brilliance. Gosh, he's incredible. How will we be able to even stand two babies? Will our hearts explode?

So our little adventurer has been learning to climb and dangle. Here's some evidence of that.

Something tells me things are going to get interesting.

This is Michael, Meeshe will write soon. I just wanted to share some images with you.

Two lines means... Oh, right...

How does the big brother feel about all this?


We watched the little heartbeat, 'cept Kindred wasn't that impressed.