Catching Up

Whew, it's been weeks full of visitors, nausea, new sounds, new steps, the sniffles and so on. Let me explain. (I've put pictures throughout just to make things a little more interesting. They don't necessarily have to do directly with that is written around them.)



New sounds
I had a Birth Center appointment on Friday the 17th which I discovered when Michael, Kindred and I arrived there had not been properly entered into their appointment book, so I had to return on Monday. (I was SO depressed driving home on Friday believing that I'd truly locked my brain in the trunk. How could I have screwed up the second appointment? I have like 20 more to go! I felt entirely better when I got home, found my appointment card and realized the receptionist had made the mistake. Whew!) But the great thing about this appointment was that we got to hear the new baby's heartbeat. It's been such an interesting journey, this pregnancy. It all feels kinda surreal to me. But when I heard that heartbeat, I knew absolutely that I am carrying a life inside me again. I don't just have an unruly gas bubble making my middle expand. This was a milestone moment. That may sounds strange, or even sad, but it's true. I was able to go home that day and have my first real conversation with my belly.








Visitors
I wish I had pictures of all our visitors. The Simple Way Family Reunion was this past weekend. (Well, last weekend.) Catherine and new beau Pete stayed with us in our humble and untidy abode and shared their peace and joy with us. Then Caren and Clara spent the day with us. It was wonderful to meet Clara. She was born only a few months after Kindred. Kindred regarded her with curiosity. I watched her and remembered the days we could lay Kindred on the bed and walk away. I snuggled with her and loved it. Then we spent the weekend seeing old friends and meeting some new ones. Bri got to meet Kindred, and I suspect he was smitten. It was wonderful to see Kindred in his arms, even though I had to watch from a distance. (I generally have to flee after I hand Kindred off to someone else if he's feeling clingy. He will yell as I'm handing him off, but if I disappear from view, he calms right down and enjoys exploring this new face. The disadvantage is that I can't stand around and watch how great their interaction is.) There are far too many others to mention from the family reunion, but I was pleased to get to spend time with many of them.
Then this past weekend we were blessed with several more visitors. Christina and Deborah, good friends from North Carolina and West Philly, respectively, came and shared dinner and company with us. It was wonderful to have a few hours with them. I find myself missing them in my life an awful lot. Finally, most recently, a call came from Scott from Raleigh, who we hadn't seen in 6 months, requesting a night on our couch the very next day. We were more than happy to oblige. He overlooked our mess and joined us for a few too short hours. Next time he visits, he is required to bring his family in tow!



Nausea
Well that's not really news.

Sniffles
On top of feeling pukey, it seems that I, along with the rest of my little family, am developing a cold. It isn't the nasty virus that is sweeping the land, but it's made for some unpleasantness. Poor us.

Steps
Kindred has not yet begun to walk on his own, but he is gaining confidence daily. He took several steps between Michael and I the other day, and he is increasingly insistent about standing without holding on to us. (He still always looks to see if we've noticed.) He has also perfected his use of the word "Up". He used to get the sounds mixed up and it would come out like "Puh." But now he's got it: "Uh-pah." He also uses it as his version of "apple", a picture that is in one of his favorite books. Oh, and Michael recently taught him what a lizard says by flicking his tongue in and out and making gurgling noises. Kindred loves this one. He's a pro. He is still our chief explorer and climber. He's wonderful really.

SO that's the update. I hope you enjoyed!

Just a filler

i have a lot to write about, and yesterday I started this entry 5 times but never got through posting. Partially that is because of situations like what is happening right now: Kindred has been awake from his nap for about 30 minutes, and he's been singing and talking in his bed. He's getting tired of that now though, so I'm going to have to stop typing and rescue him momentarily. But the other obstacle I hit yesterday was my seemingly endless flow of tears. I made that fatal mistake of believing that I was better. (Didn't I warn myself about that just a week or so ago?) Then I was pukey yesterday, today, the day before. I'm tired of being sick. I'm tired of living in squalor and watching the mess continue to pile up. I'm tired of endless days at home. So I cried. I'm better today, and even considering taking a walk after I get Kindred. One last nice day before the frigidity sets back in. (Oh the poor bulbs outside!) So that's that. I will find a moment to give a real update as soon as I can, but for now this is the best I can do.

(I also must mention that, amid the squalor, there seems to be a mouse that is happily scooting around the house. It's like being back at the simple way. He is convinced we are in pleasant co-existance with each other and he is free to wander around where he pleases, even if I'm watching him enter and exit the room, or yelling at him and it's the middle of the day. Ugh. Mice.)

Ok, Kindred is having a meltdown. Must scurry myself.

Everyone's talking about the big snow

It's true, our big snowstorm of the season has everyone all in a hoopla. So we figured we'd join in by tossing Kindred in his very first big ol' snowdrift. It was a lot of fun. As it goes, it took us just as long to dress him for the outdoor adventure as he was actually out there. But he seemed to enjoy it and was a little sad when we took him and his little red nose inside.


On another note, I've included a few pictures of his newest feat- standing on his own!

A break in the cycle

I have been really sick this past week. it has been so frustrating, because I feel so out of it, so distant from everything. Kindred's birthday party was lovely, but I feel like I missed so much of it because I was just trying to get through. I felt lousy, and even the next day for his baptism, my mother-in-law said I faked it well, because I felt like total crap. I thought maybe it was all happening intensely because I was stressed about the weekend. But it didn't let up. I was lying on the couch sort of moaning every single day. I couldn't do much of anything, and food, well, let's not even go there. It was awful. I wasn't throwing up all the time, but fighting that feeling for 90% of the day. Friends and family came to the rescue. My mom stayed until Wednesday to help me with the baby, my friends DeeDee, Will and Wendy took Kindred off my hands one day, and Lara was my salvation for the rest of the week. (Not to mention Michael. He has been a wonderful support to me even though he's been so busy. Every day I ask him if still he loves me, certain that one day he's going to get to the end of his rope.) It was so sad for me to hand Kindred off to so many others, and I felt terrible that I was needing to do that and couldn't take care of my baby myself. I missed him while he was gone, and got scared that I would miss a whole chunk of his life if I didn't get better soon. I started to think I was just being really dramatic, and that I wasn't really all that sick. That I was just being pathetic and delusional, and needy.

And then today happened. It was a breakthrough. A break in the cycle. I felt OK. Maybe even good. Not great, and not 100%, but OK.

I realized that I really had been sick this week, it wasn't all in my head. This was a totally healthy thing for me to realize, because I was about to head down a dark path of sadness and despair. I understand that I may feel awful again tomorrow, or the next day. I understand that this may be a freak happening for now. I'm not ready to believe I might be getting better. For now, I will be happy I'm having a good day.

Oh, and on another note, Kindred has been scooting around with his push walker. He loves it, and laughs and laughs at himself the whole time. It is delightful. It won't be long before he loses his "sea legs" and is running all around.


poster's note: I put this blog up at 9:05pm. At 9:58pm, I threw up a ton. So much for hanging on to a good day. but I still appreciated it while it lasted.

Kindred's Birthday!

Happy 1 Year to Kindred!




We celebrated him and his life. We made him fun cakes. We invited all the family and friends. Kindred ate cake for the first time ever,



and he thinks he likes it.



The next day he was baptized at our church, Atonement Lutheran. This is his baptismal outfit.



What a happy birthday boy!

Um...Excuse me?

This story is slightly more embarrassing that I'm necessarily feeling like I should share en masse, but it must be shared. Everyone needs a good laugh every once in a while at someone else's expense.

The other day my friend, Chrissy, came over to hang out with Kindred and I, and she stayed for dinner. Michael got home from work and we were getting ready to eat. We were recounting the happenings of our day to each other. After a few stories, I picked up my water glasss to take a drink when I thought of something else to share. My heaIth insurance had been activated earlier that day after a month of arguments and endless phone calls, and was so relieved. I said, "Oh, wanna hear the best part of my day?" Ears perked up, and I announced happily, "I'm turned on!" Then I took a large gulp of my water. Immediately, I realized I had needed to clarify that statement more than I had, and the moment that it took to swallow the water felt ten times longer with the surprised and somewhat uncomfortable looks I got from my dinner companions. My really good news had suddenly become an awkward account of something that doesn't always come up out of the blue in casual dinner conversation. "I'm turned on! Pass the potatoes." We all got through the moment and let it go, but that night, I nearly laughed myself out of bed with how hysterical it was looking back on it. Oh, Michelle.